Selten sowas geiles gesehen. Extreeeem geil !!
Gute Jokes.
extrem mieser blondinen witz:
A girl comes skipping home from school and shouts, "Mommy, Mommy! Today we did counting, and all the other kids only got up to 5, but I got up to 10. 1,2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!
That's good, isn't it Mommy?
"Yes dear, it is."
"Is that because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes dear, it is."
The next day the girl comes skipping home and screams, "Mommy, Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and all the other kids only got to D, but I got up to G. A, B, C, D, E, F, G!
That's good, isn't it Mommy?"
"Yes dear, it is."
"Is that because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes dear, it is."
The following day the girl comes skipping home and exclaims, "Mommy, Mommy! Today we did gym class, and all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" At this point the girl pulls up her top revealing a pair of amazing 36C breasts.
"That's good, isn't it Mommy?"
"Yes dear, it is," replied a slightly embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"No dear, it's because you're 25
A girl comes skipping home from school and shouts, "Mommy, Mommy! Today we did counting, and all the other kids only got up to 5, but I got up to 10. 1,2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!
That's good, isn't it Mommy?
"Yes dear, it is."
"Is that because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes dear, it is."
The next day the girl comes skipping home and screams, "Mommy, Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and all the other kids only got to D, but I got up to G. A, B, C, D, E, F, G!
That's good, isn't it Mommy?"
"Yes dear, it is."
"Is that because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes dear, it is."
The following day the girl comes skipping home and exclaims, "Mommy, Mommy! Today we did gym class, and all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" At this point the girl pulls up her top revealing a pair of amazing 36C breasts.
"That's good, isn't it Mommy?"
"Yes dear, it is," replied a slightly embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"No dear, it's because you're 25
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the
first time...
Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first
time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one
exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in
places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hummm....I won't touch THAT one!)
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...? How did the govt. pay for this research??)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that )
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too)
And, the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(Do you think they have bad breath?)
(Like THAT makes sense.)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the
first time...
Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first
time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one
exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in
places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hummm....I won't touch THAT one!)
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...? How did the govt. pay for this research??)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that )
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too)
And, the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(Do you think they have bad breath?)
-
bierträgerin
- Beiträge: 250
- Registriert: Fr Feb 25, 2005 1:20 am
- Wohnort: wien
Lebensweisheiten
wiesl hat geschrieben:
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that )
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too)
und gott sah, dass es gut war...
If You Love Someone
Old Version.....
If you love someone,
Set him free...
If he comes back, he's yours,
If he doesn't, he never was....
The New Versions.....
Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
If he ever comes back, he's yours,
If he doesn't, as expected, he never was
Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
Don't worry, he will come back.
Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
If he ever comes back, ask him why.
Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
If he doesn't comes back within some time
forget him.
Patient:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
If he doesn't come back, continue to wait
until he comes back ...
Playful:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
*If he comes back, and if you love him still,
set him free again, repeat *
Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set him free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!
Bill Gates :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and but tell her
that she's also going to get an upgrade.
Over possessive person:
If you love someone
don't set him free.
Fatal Attraction:
If you love someone
Set him free
If he comes back he is yours
If not hunt him down then ruin his life.
Schwarzenegger's fans:
If you love someone,
Set him free,
HE'LL BE BACK!
If you love someone,
Set him free...
If he comes back, he's yours,
If he doesn't, he never was....
The New Versions.....
Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
If he ever comes back, he's yours,
If he doesn't, as expected, he never was
Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
Don't worry, he will come back.
Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
If he ever comes back, ask him why.
Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
If he doesn't comes back within some time
forget him.
Patient:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
If he doesn't come back, continue to wait
until he comes back ...
Playful:
If you love someone,
Set him free ...
*If he comes back, and if you love him still,
set him free again, repeat *
Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set him free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!
Bill Gates :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and but tell her
that she's also going to get an upgrade.
Over possessive person:
If you love someone
don't set him free.
Fatal Attraction:
If you love someone
Set him free
If he comes back he is yours
If not hunt him down then ruin his life.
Schwarzenegger's fans:
If you love someone,
Set him free,
HE'LL BE BACK!
A Hard Drinker:
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer.
One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer.
One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
http://media.hugi.is/hahradi/fyndnar/st ... reamV8.wmv
Das will ich von den [OATZ] Informatikern mal sehen.
Das will ich von den [OATZ] Informatikern mal sehen.
