Gute Jokes.

Wissenschaftliche Diskussion auf Gerstensaftbasis. Alle öffentlichen Themen, die sonst nirgends dazu passen, kommen hier rein.
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wiesl
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Beitrag von wiesl » Di Jan 04, 2005 2:56 pm

---doppelpost, foget about it---

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wiesl
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Beitrag von wiesl » Di Jan 04, 2005 2:56 pm

Four brothers left home for college and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house." The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her". The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000. a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it!" The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway. "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks. "Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead. I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same. "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.

The chicken was delicious.
Thank you.

;)

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Grent
Bierfass
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Beitrag von Grent » Di Jan 04, 2005 3:06 pm

Excellent !! :D

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elfride
Trinker
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Beitrag von elfride » Di Jan 04, 2005 3:12 pm

The Riddler: There are three men in a boat with four cigarettes but no matches. How do they manage to smoke?

Robin: They throw one cigarette overboard and make the boat a cigarette lighter!

Batman: Exactly!

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wiesl
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Anleitung für den nächsten Vollsuff

Beitrag von wiesl » So Jan 09, 2005 8:53 pm

PROBLEM: Das Bier ist ungewöhnlich bleich und geschmacklos.
URSACHE: Glas leer.
LÖSUNG: Lassen Sie sich ein neues Bier bringen!

PROBLEM: Die gegenüberliegende Wand ist mit strahlendem Licht bedeckt.
URSACHE: Sie sind nach hinten umgefallen!
LÖSUNG: Binden Sie sich am Tresen fest.

PROBLEM: Sie haben Zigarettenstummel im Mund.
URSACHE: Sie sind nach vorne umgefallen.
LÖSUNG: Siehe oben.

PROBLEM: Das Bier schmeckt nicht, und das T-Shirt wird vorne nass.
URSACHE: Mund nicht geöffnet oder Glas an falscher Stelle im Gesicht angesetzt.
LÖSUNG: Gehen Sie auf die Toilette und üben Sie vor dem Spiegel.

PROBLEM: Kalte und nasse Füsse.
URSACHE: Das Glas wird im falschen Winkel gehalten.
LÖSUNG: Drehen Sie das Glas, bis die offene Seite in Richtung Decke zeigt.

PROBLEM: Warme und nasse Füsse.
URSACHE: Ungenügende Kontrolle der Blase.
LÖSUNG: Stellen Sie sich dich neben den nächsten Hund und meckern Sie über dessen mangelnde Erziehung.

PROBLEM: Der Boden wirkt verschwommen.
URSACHE: Sie schauen durch den Boden eines leeren Glases.
LÖSUNG: Lassen Sie sich ein neues Bier bringen!

PROBLEM: Der Boden bewegt sich.
URSACHE: Sie werden rausgetragen.
LÖSUNG: Finden Sie heraus, ob man Sie in ein anderes Lokal bringt.

PROBLEM: Der Raum ist sehr dunkel.
URSACHE: Das Lokal hat geschlossen.
LÖSUNG: Lassen Sie sich die Privatadresse des Wirtes geben.

PROBLEM: Das Taxi nimmt plötzlich ungewöhnliche Farben und Muster an.
URSACHE: Der Bierkonsum hat Ihre persönliche Grenze überschritten.
LÖSUNG: Mund zuhalten.

:bier:

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version4x
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Beitrag von version4x » So Jan 09, 2005 11:32 pm

die letzten 4 sind spitze!

:bier:

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JesuZ
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Beitrag von JesuZ » So Jan 09, 2005 11:42 pm

die sin echt cool
„2 + 2 = 7. 4 is propaganda.“ (Anonymous)

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wiesl
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Beiträge: 6607
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Osama in der Hölle =)

Beitrag von wiesl » Mo Jan 10, 2005 11:28 am

:)

One day in the future, Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Osama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room; in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed - over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," bin Laden said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room; in it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Osama bin Laden.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Osama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose.

Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Osama bin Laden looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and aid, "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

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wiesl
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Beitrag von wiesl » Mi Jan 12, 2005 12:19 am

Superman


Superman's had a hard week of fighting crime in Metropolis and is
ready for some fun. So Friday afternoon, he looks up his pals Batman
and Spiderman to see if they're up for going on the prowl that
evening. Both turn him down on account of prior commitments, and
Superman is pretty ticked. As he's flying around the stratosphere
letting off steam, he spots Wonder Woman lying on her back stark naked
sunbathing on the beach.
"Hey," he thinks, "I'm Superman and I don't need those two clowns to
have a good time. I can just fly down there at the speed of light,
catch a quickie, and fly away before she knows what happened."
So, Superman zips down, takes advantage of the situation and flies
away at the speed of light.
Wonder Woman says, "What the hell was that?"
The Invisible Man says, "I don't know but it hurt like hell."

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wiesl
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Beitrag von wiesl » Mi Jan 12, 2005 12:20 am

25 Reasons Why Alcohol Should be Served at Work


1...It's an incentive to show up.
2...It reduces stress.
3...It leads to more honest communications.
4...It reduces complaints about low pay.
5...It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6...Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7...It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8...It encourages carpooling.
9...Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
10...It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11...It makes fellow employees look better.
12...It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13...Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14...Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15...Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
16...Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
17...It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
18...Everyone agrees the work better after they've had a couple of drinks.
19...Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
20...Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked. (applicable in some situations)
21...It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.
22...The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
23...Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
24...Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
25...Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.

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